ArsGeek

From this point on and until further notice, the following international laws are in effect:

1. Before being allowed to access the Internet, any person wishing to gain access to the Internet must pass a comprehensive grammar and punctuation test in their native tongue.
2. If your computer misbehaves and you attempt to fix it on your own before contacting someone more technical, you must always answer truthfully when a more technical person asks you if you’ve done anything to your computer.
3. All coffee shops are only allowed to serve coffee flavored coffee in cups that are clearly marked Small, Medium or Large. Grande is not a size.
4. If you are walking on a sidewalk you are not allowed to occupy the entire width of the sidewalk through the actions of weaving, swaying, walking very slowly in the dead center, clasping a lover or child, being lost in thought or trying to look cool.
5. Talking on a cell phone in public is prohibited unless calling 911. Talking on bluetooth earpieces is particularly illegal. Committing either of these offenses in a restaurant or movie theater is punishable by death or being made to listen to the theme song from Cheers on endless repeat.
6. When purchasing a product from a retail, wholesale or food vending business, you are required to be both familiar with and have in your hand enough currency or other methods of payment to complete the transaction.
7. You are required to know what product it is you wish to order before joining the line.
8. No person, institute or governing body is permitted to make anyone fill out a form with more than 5 lines of text.
9. 80′s hair bands are hereby ordered to stop. Just stop.
10. Both men and women must receive written permission from the author before attempting to wear any of the following: Spandex, speedos, belly shirts, swim suits, polyester, clothing more than 1 size larger than is required, mood rings and anything with cartoon animals.
11. Socks with individual toes (similar to gloves) are outlawed forever.
12. All high schools or equivalents must include classes in the following subjects: Basic Computer Support, How to Write a Check, Socially Unacceptable Conversation Topics, Driving Isn’t a Right, Political Thought for the Apathetic and No, You are Not Entitled. Failing any of these subjects will require an additional year of tutoring and training.

Contributions of further laws will be considered by the author.

geek out.

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