ArsGeek

Over the next few weeks, ArsGeek will feature 12 lists of 12 things having to do with the holidays. Here’s our first foray.

Work holiday parties are so much fun! Unless of course you follow our simple 12 step program for not getting your can canned.

1. Absolutely, positively NO cell phone cameras should be used.
2. What happens at the party, stays at party. (I know, Vegas made it a cliché, but it’s true).
3. Have a lawyer draw up a disclosure for everyone to sign prior to intoxication, relieving you of any responsibility for anything that you may say, do or reveal about yourself.
4. Under no circumstance are you to select a play list after your third drink. The songs you pick when inebriated may tell people a little more about yourself than necessary. “But you don’t understand… “Wake me up before you go go” just says so much about life… and relationships.”
5. Know that ordering Buttery Nipples may induce giggling – don’t do this unless you want your office mates to see you giggle.
6. The old photocopier routine may be cliched, but it still happens. Make sure the copy room is locked and all machines are unplugged.
7. Tattoo’s to commemorate the event may seem like a good idea at the time, but sometimes a memory or lack of, might just have to do.
8. No matter how loud you get, Robert Plant still sings way better than you.
9. Do not show off your pole dancing skills, no matter how many people ask you to.
10. Making snow angels is fun! Just not in your best suit or evening gown.
11. Remember that at most out of control holiday parties, multiple people wind up being your “best friend” during the course of the evening. Under no circumstance, come Monday morning, are you obligated to purchase or receive a BFF necklace… or acknowledge such deep friendships.
12. Friends don’t let friends text drunk… especially messages to their boss.

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