This is the Giant Snakehead - a fish with a nasty gleam in it’s cold fishy eyes and the intent to leap at your throat. Sure, it looks mean, not like those friendly tuna or dolphins you find in cans at the grocery store but really, what’s there to worry about? Well for starters, LOOK AT THE TEETH! As if a Clint Eastwood glint wasn’t enough in a fish, these teeth belong to a dinosaur, not a fish. But wait, it gets better. These things can stroll out of the water and mosey around for up to four days. AND THEY EAT PEOPLE! Or at least, someone said they eat people and I read it on the internet so it must be true.
It gets worse though. These fish are normally found in and around Asia. Recently a specimen was caught in Leeds England though. LEEDS! Do you know what this means, to catch an air breathing, walking, man eating fish several thousand miles away from it’s normal habitat? No? Well lets go to the map:
I’ve added in a few custom graphics here to make this a bit clearer. See that bloody red circle in the lower right? That’s where old Clint normally spawns, lives, eats it’s share of humans and dies. Now look at the red speckled trail of blood leading across several countries, through France, across the channel and to England (highlighted by a red circle I turned into a sun in a fit of creative energy)! The red dots symbolize outbreaks of fear and paranoia, or possibly nice restaurants . It must have been a bloodbath! Why hasn’t CNN or FOX picked up on this trail of fishy carnage?
The Sun ran a report yesterday of this find with the catchy headline Psycho predator is Sid Fishious. Apparently there was widespread panic among anglers and conservationists. An unnamed agency known only as the Environment Agency was quoted as saying “Oh s***”. They’ve been practicing pronouncing several asterisks lined up for years now and finally got a chance to use it.
Andy, the dude who caught the fish, went on record as saying ” It had a gob full of razor-sharp teeth. To be honest it looked terrifying.” Off record he probably said something like “I plan on frying it up with some butter and mushy peas.”
These fish can grow up to 3 feet long, weigh in at as much as 44lbs., enjoy swimming in warm water, moonlit strolls on the beach and devouring babies stolen from their cribs in the dead of night. England - beware!
Technorati Tags: snakehead, vicious, viscous, animals, invasive, eat your face and steal your baby, jaws, science
February 20th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
The Environment Agency is capitalised ‘cos that’s its name… the Environment Agency… like the EPA or the GOP
February 20th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
But how does it taste?
February 20th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I’m not all that into fish myself, but folks in Asia stock ponds with it as it’s a fish that puts up a fight and then tastes great in the end.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
This is nothing new to us across the pond. The Northern Snakehead, or Channa Argus, has also invaded parts of the USA and Canada. Its listed as in invasive species by the EPA and , as of 2002, they can’t be imported or transported live within the USA unless you have a special permit. They are really quite dangerous to our freshwater ecosystems as they reproduce very quickly, eat just about anything (but not people), can survive out of water for four days and can migrate across land to invade new bodies of water. The distance they can travel on their own is fairly limited, I doubt they could travel 1000 miles across Europe without some human interference. One of the ways in which officials manage their populations is to dump ‘Roundup’ into the ponds where they thrive. This kills the vegetation in the water destroying the oxygen supply and thus the fish perish. These creatures were introduced here by way of local fish markets either by accident, ignorance or both.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
That isn’t Leeds, Leeds is NE (outside) of the circle
February 20th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Sorry. I try to be as accurate as I can but sometimes get carried away drawing blood colored suns all over the UK.
February 20th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
yeah this was a big deal in MD a few years back. they spread so quickly because they eat EVERYTHING native and have almost no natural predators here. they decimate everything in their paths and leave a trail of poop and destruction…
kinda like peoples.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:50 am
goddamn that loooks like one nasty mofo
May 4th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
. . . It`s been proven that they cannot walk on land.
They can breath air and can get from pond to pond (or whatever it is they`re living in) when it`s slightly flooded so they actualy get across, but only if the land is moist and it takes a lot of energy for them to do this. I`ve never heard of them eating anyone but there was a fatality caused by one when a fisher was struck by his own spear while spear fishing. But these guys have nothing but a desire to kill.
if you put another fish in a tank with one. weather it`a hungery or not it will kill the other fish just for the fun of it