The Wolverine…well not so much. I can see what they’re going for. Wolverine does have roots in Japan in his history where he slaughters a bunch of ninjas. But his character design is the exact opposite of the Wolverine that we all know. Fan reaction across the ‘net seems to be unanimous. Even the most untrained eye knows that Logan is not a lanky, silky smooth-skinned effeminate dude with the biggest 80′s hair band mullet of all time.

And you can’t say that it’s just “anime” style. There have been plenty of rugged square-jawed heroes found in Japanimation throughout the years. (Yeah I said it, been watching Fist of the Northstar since 1993. Bonnng.) The irony of this character design shown on the right from Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust is that he was actually done by Madhouse as well. Give this guy the fly away hair and you’re good to go. He’s even got the cigar!

That said, I think the Madhouse animation style is perfectly suited for American comic book properties. I’d love to see an X-Men or a Wonder Woman, rendered in this style. Stipulated that the characters actually resemble the comics as the Iron Man does above. Besides, this wouldn’t be the first. Batman: Gotham Knight employed Japanese animators and ended up with a pretty nice product.

But what do you think? Should there be more American comics done in this style, or should they just keep anime the hell away from Western superheroes?

You’ve read the line before, some of you can recite it 50 times in a minute — the question is if the same spirit in that ever famous line can be found in the redux of the 2009 Star Trek. Without sounding too poetic, the answer is simply; yes.

Before I start my review of Star Trek, I should probably provide a history of my Star Trek fanhood. I’ve always loved the original series, and never really got into TNG or the other variations of the Star Trek universe. Just give me the good ol’ Spock and Kirk days, everyone else can have their Picard and whoever was captain of the other Trek shows. Now that we have that settled, let’s move onto the review.

Abram’s greatest directorial feat in Star Trek is the balance that it took to create not just a masterpiece, but a film that can be enjoyed by everyone. Trekkies will find obscure references that will make them giddy with delight. Yet the average movie-goer will be presented with a kinetic, yet elegant thrill ride that doesn’t let up until the very end. All of this is able to occur while setting up the characters, specifically Kirk and Spock with great ease.

Speaking of characters, the 64k question is … How are the characters handled?

For the most part, the characters are portrayed wonderfully. None of the renditions ever strayed too far from how the characters acted in the original show. In fact, one of the glaring weaknesses I found in the movie was how two of the performances felt more like impressions than interpretations. Karl Urban tried way too hard to pull off the sounds of DeForest Kelley’s voice as Doctor “Bones” McCoy. What was even worse than that was Anton Yelchin’s portrayal of Checkov. Instead of just providing a russian accent, Yelchin went too far to capture the unique tone of Walter Koenig’s voice. When you hear the “v’s” become “w’s”, you’ll cringe more than smile.

Luckily, the weaker performances of Urban, and Yelchin are propped up with great performances from Pine, Quinto, and Pegg. Chris Pine isn’t quite as charismatic as Shatner, but let’s be fair, there’s no one as charismatic as the ‘Shat’. The storyline of the movie actually supports the difference in the two renditions, but I won’t explain further for fear of the dreaded spoiler. In terms of ‘proximity’, Quinto’s portrayal of Spock is probably the closest to the original show than any of the other characters. Quinto looks like Spock, his voice inflection matches Spock; he really is the ‘new’ Spock. While Pine and Quinto were great, my favorite character and performance was Simon Pegg as Montgomery Scott. Which is odd considering I was most worried about Pegg playing Scott, for fear he would be turned into the ‘comedic relief’. However, Pegg came through and really captured the role of Scott while adding his own little ‘Pegg’ twist to it. He is the comedy relief, but there’s not too much relief.

The plot development, and writing of Star Trek was handled by someone who is definitely a Star Trek fan. There is so much ambiance, and cleverness in the writing that it almost felt like I was watching an extended version of a Star Trek episode. It’s almost too hard to define, but Abrams doesn’t lose that air of ‘goofiness’ that you feel when watching Star Trek. He doesn’t take it too serious, but at the same time provides a story that encapsulates the entire spirit of Star Trek. I would actually explain some of the story, but even providing a pinch would have me applying a spoiler tag. I will say this, the first 15 minutes of the movie is easily the most epic 15 minutes of cinema viewing that I’ve experienced in years.

As I stated earlier, everyone will have a reason to love this movie. If you liked the fact that Kirk got it on with alien chicks in the original show, then you’ll be appeased. If you just like sci-fi action, then the movie has it in spades. If you’re a Trekkie, and love the sense of superiority of explaining things like black holes, time paradoxes, and Vulcan traditions to lesser life forms then you shall not be disappointed.

If you’ve kept up with the history of video games, and Star Wars then you’d know that its mostly been a pleasurable journey. From flight sims, to FPS’s, to even capturing the strategy behind Star Wars. This is a tribute to the greatness of Star Wars video games through out the years. I hope you enjoy it.

Star Wars Tie Fighter — X-Wing — X-wing vs. TIE Fighter — X-Wing Alliance

You could take your pick of any of the games featured above, and you’d be playing one of the greatest flight sim games of all time. When LucasArts first released X-Wing (1993), they could have easily just rested on the laurels of letting gamers man the cockpit of a Rebel Alliance starfighter. Instead, they came out guns blazing and provided an experience that when you first played; you couldn’t believe it. The game started just before the events in ‘A New Hope’ and had you on a mission for delivering the Death Star plans to Princess Leia. Later, the game would act as a parallel to the events that occured in A New Hope. This pseudo-side story really immersed Star Wars fan further into the struggle found in the movies.

The gameplay was pretty advanced, and even with a flight stick there were plenty of buttons you had to remember. It wasn’t just about ship battles. You had escort missions, scanning missions. The game truly offered a varied experience, all the while with smooth and accurate controls.

A year later, Tie Fighter would be released and is the game that a majority of gamers believe is the best of the Star Wars flight sim games. Instead of directly following the original trilogy storyline, the game offered a more independent mythos. It started just after the Battle of Hoth, and ended just before the Battle of Endor. The game had you interacting mainly with Grand Admiral Thrawn, a fan boy favorite. But there were options for side missions with the Emperor, Darth Vader, and even a shady conspirator.

X-Wing vs. Tie Fighter would take the spirit of the first two, and bring it to the multi-player arena. It was one of the first games to ever offer 8-player online co-op , with the Balance of Power expansion pack. If you didn’t have the Balance of Power expansion, all you really had was a multi-player fest.

X-Wing Alliance would be the culmination of pretty much everything that was great about the three games prior to it. It had the same engaging gameplay. Only this time you piloted the Millenium Falcon. The largest addition of Alliance, was the ability to create custom battle scenarios. The game allowed for the inclusion of a numerous amount of starships.

Dark Forces — Star Wars Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II — Star Wars Jedi Knight: Mysteries Of The Sith — Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast — Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy

Since the original Star Wars trilogy, there have been very few Star Wars stories worth telling on the big screen. Yes, I’m including Episodes 1, 2, and half of 3. One storyline that does the Star Wars universe justice is the Dark Forces series. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the Dark Forces series is the best Star Wars story told besides the original trilogy.

The gameplay behind the Dark Forces series has evolved, and has really changed from the original all the way through Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy. In the original Dark Forces, gamers were subject to a standard FPS. The game didn’t come out much later than Doom, and in many ways evolved the FPS genre. This game implemented the ability to have full viewing available to the gamer. You could run, jump, swim, and look around fully which might simple but was revolutionary at the time.

After the original Dark Forces game, we received Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight. This is the game in the series that really set it off, and became a classic in the eyes of most PC gamers. It expanded upon the original Dark Forces, by including well put together FMV sequences. A much updated graphics engine, and most importantly brought us lightsaber combat. Kyle Kataran’s story really fleshed out and brought story telling elements to the FPS genre that really weren’t seen before it. The expansion pack “Mysteries of the Sith” brought a character that has gone down in legend as a cult classic, Mara Jade. This feisty saber wielding vixen was a lot to handle, and really deserved her own spin off series.

Jedi Outcast, which is my favorite game in the entire series took the ideas in Jedi Knight and heavily enhanced upon them. The graphics made a huge leap, and the effects given off by the saber were stunning to say the least. The animations, and move set that Kyle Katarn was given really took Jedi combat to the next level. There were three different stances for saber combat, each with different moves that really added a depth of strategy to saber duels. The online aspect of the game is what really set it off, as you’ll find your most dedicated gamers lurking in the still running Jedi Outcast servers. Jedi Academy was kind of an off-shoot of Jedi Outcast, in that the game no longer followed Kyle Katarn but a jedi apprentice. This game featured Luke Skywalker, Kyle Katarn, Lando Calrissian, and Chewbacca. Billy Dee Willaims, and Mark Hammill both provided voices for their characters. Jedi Academy was pretty weak on the story side, as the game felt very divided in terms of how the levels were laid out. Very little continuity. It more than made up with this by offering a very robust multiplayer experience. On top of the three standard light saber stances, the jedi staff, and dual wield sabers were added. Of course, any JA vet will tell you that the trust single saber is the way to go.

Super Star Wars — Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back — Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Before the Dark Forces series, and the flight sims, there was the “Super” Star Wars series on the SNES. This line of games has a special place in my heart, and was an important part of my gaming history in the early 90′s. More important than that though, is that this series of games is the only other representation of the original trilogy other than the movies. What’s funny is that the games actually do the source material justice, which was possible during the 16-bit era. Which makes you wonder why they can’t get it right now.

The ‘Super’ series at its core was nothing more than a side-scrolling platformer. What it lacked in graphical prowess it made up with solid gameplay, and a certain charm. All three games allowed you to play through as multiple characters. The original Super Star Wars allowed you to play as Luke, Han Solo, and Chewbacca. And they returned as the cast for Empire Strikes Back, which would allow for the first use of force powers in a Star Wars game. Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi expanded upon the roster by allowing you to play as Princess Leia, and Wicket the Ewok.

I really can’t say a whole lot about the series other than it’s a very worthy side scrolling platform. Its most impressive feat was staying so close to the original stories of the trilogy even when the limited technology of the SNES might have detracted from it. If you have a SNES, and happen to live near a vintage game shop, then do yourself a favor and try to find these games.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR) — Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: Sith Lords

I should preface this by saying that I’m a huge Bioware fanboy. I’m really not a fanboy of any other entertainment entity other than Bioware. Of course as they’ve only released quality games throughout the years, it’s kind of hard not to be. Anyway, this leads up to what could be considered an even greater story than the Dark Forces series.

When the news hit that KOTOR would be coming to the PC, and Xbox I was skeptical. I really didn’t think that the Star Wars universe was a right fit for a RPG. The reason is that most of the combat is based on moving, and covering from blaster fire, and the kinetic light saber duels. Then I heard that Bioware would be the dev studio behind the game. I couldn’t believe it, because up until then they only dealt with D&D properties. My skepticism turned to optimism, and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the game.

I received the game as a Christmas present, and I played it the entire week of my break. I couldn’t stop. The story, combat, and immersive world were utterly addictive. I believe it took me about four days to beat the game, and that was with me exploring all of the side content I could get my hands on.

The story takes place 4,000 years before the original trilogy. When the Jedi, and Sith were plentiful and locked in a grueling battle for control of the force. The game follows an unnamed character, who is linked to a strong sith lord named, Darth Malak. The game progresses as you find out more about this character, because in the beginning he/she starts out with memory loss. I can’t really go into much more for fear of giving away too many spoilers.

The gameplay of KOTOR should be familiar if you’ve played a Bioware RPG before. They adopted the D20 style combat, and brought it to the Star Wars universe. For the most part it worked, and it added a strategy to combat not seen in any Star Wars game before. My only gripe is that like any RPG, the gameplay feels slower compared to the Star Wars action titles.

If you’re a fan of RPGs, and Star Wars then you need to do yourself a favor and pick up the KOTOR series. With an epic storyline, wonderfully detailed world, and some open-ended strategic gameplay, there’s a whole lot to get involved with.

Honorable Mentions

This is a list of the games that while of good quality aren’t quite as recommended as the ones above. Therefore, not as worthy of a write-up, but if you come across them you might want to try them out.

Conclusion

It’s quite amazing how the quality of Star Wars games has kept up throughout the years. Sure there have been a few clunkers here and there, but for the most part its been a wonderful ride. Even some of the honorable mentions I listed still hold special place in my heart.

If you’ve never played any of the Star Wars games I’ve mentioned then do yourself a favor and check them out. Even if you don’t like Star Wars, these games are worthy to play because they’re fun and of real high quality.

Unfortunately I am of the latter ilk. For one, I am the kind of guy who likes my Terminators to carry strong tones of Austrian/governor accent. Terminators who speak in monotone voices who have very clear missions that can only begin once their first objective is achieved: obtain clothes, boots, and a motorcycle. I come from the school of “The Electronic Murderer” (even though I’m not Polish). Picture courtesy of Answers.com.

I am not so much interested in this. “Oh, but it’s got Christian Bale,” you might respond. Watch Harsh Times and then give me that argument. Was Eddie furlong not available? I can’t imagine that the Night of the Demons remake was a higher priority for him. What happened to Nick Stahl? I wasn’t thrilled to have a new John Connor forced upon me then either, but he did an adequate job.

I’m not saying that Bale can’t cut the mustard. Bale’s not the issue. The issue is that they have gotten away from what made The Terminator a classic, and that was…well, Arnold (not to mention Michael Biehn), James Cameron, and the decade of the 80s. I’m not one to totally live in the past. I realize times have changed, but films like Planet Terror prove that the dark, gritty look of the original are still possible to achieve.

Terminator: Salvation is looking more like a Transformers or Matrix knock off (if not a stylized Robot Jox remake) to me based on some of the robot designs. But I guess that’s what you get when you give the co-creator of Fastlane the reigns of one of the most beloved science fiction/action franchises of all time. I’m a little skeptical to say the least.

But to be fair, I can’t judge it too harshly without having seen it. My expectations are set pretty low, so perhaps I’ll be overwhelmingly surprised. Some of my best movie-viewing experiences have come from low expectations.

See some recently leaked video footage at io9.com. I rest my case.

I’m certain that no one in that room could really conceive of what would happen to the world of entertainment and geekdom when Star Wars made it to the silver screen.  The action figures, the payout, the conventions, the ability to play someone called Cocknocker – none of that would have happened.

And Kurt Russell may also be thinking “Wow, I wasn’t typecast for the rest of my life!”

Mark Hammill:

Kurt Russell:

Cocknocker:

Technorati Tags: video, mark hammill, kurt russell, star wars, cocknocker, lucas, scifi, geekdom, shes your sister

Here’s a guy who claims he is channeling aliens via an energy beam directly to his hairy, slightly repugnant sweaty chest.  The very same chest he then makes an interviewer feel to confirm the alien-beam sweat.

The worst part is, the aliens sound like something out of a 1930′s serial featuring slightly evil aliens with German accents and horrible pronounciation.

As a bonus, the sweaty indivudual being interviewed even includes static as if to signify he’s connecting up with the alien power hour.

Technorati Tags: aliens, sweat, bear-man-chest, sf, fantasy, video, did I mention sweaty chest

Maybe Cyber Command wasn’t entirely ill-informed. Think about it; who’s always flying around in starships, fighting interstellar wars? That’s right, the Navy. Who forms the front line of defense against the insectiod alien menace? Always the Marines. If the Air Force is going to remain relevant in the Hollywood version of the 23rd century it has to start thinking about fictitious threats it could potentially defend the country against. Having already been written off by most of the science fiction genre, they had few options left to them: either they could focus on post-apocalyptic radioactive mutants or scary uber-hackers and their spam cannon equipped bot-nets. With the Cold War having so recently ended (in military years), the choice was clear: the Air Force took the red pill.

Technorati Tags: cyber command, united states air force, usaf, hackers, fearmongering, fiction, stupid

Technorati Tags: crazy, zooming, infinite, art, project, collaborative

They’ll be working with Red Eagle Entertainment, who produced the Wheel of Time graphic novel adaptations. Here’s hoping they forget to write scripts for books 7-10, and give the rest of the story the treatment it deserves.

Technorati Tags: wheel of time, wheel, time, movie, variety magazine, robert jordan, film, red eagle entertainment, red eagle, polygamy

Technorati Tags: knight rider, television, geek yet macho, kitt, knight industries, oh geek

Be sure to pre-order yours now, because like the Kindle, supplies may not last.

Technorati Tags: deals, amazon, harry potter, beadle, rowling, books, geeks, magic

I could use the excuse that I don’t have iTunes, but really, is that a good enough excuse? No. No it is not. For those of you who have been like me, living in a cave- I give you ‘A brand new day, last song act 2′. It should be coming out on DVD, but in the meantime you can catch pieces of it on Youtube (thanks Cavtroop for showing me the error of my ways and pointing me in the right direction. One day, year, decade; I hope to be on good side of the Whedonverse again).

For those who have that iTunes thingy… (that I’m downloading right now, although if you read the following… I MISSED IT!!!) As Joss is my witness, shall never be in the dark again! Gee, what happened this past month that could have possibly distracted me other than the car accidents, whiplash, finding a new car, etc…

A LETTER FROM JOSS WHEDON

Dear Friends,

At last the time has come to reveal to you our Master Plan. BEWARE! Those with weak hearts should log off lest they be terrified by the twisted genius of our schemes! Also pregnant women and the elderly should consider reading only certain sentences. Do not mix with other blogs. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this blog. You must be this tall to read. ‘Kay?

It is time for us to change the face of Show Business as we know it. You know the old adage, “It’s Show Business – not Show Friends”? Well now it’s Show Friends. We did that. To Show Business. To show Show Business we mean business. (Also, there are now other businesses like it.)

ONE WEEK ONLY! AN INTERNET MINISERIES EVENT!

“Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” will be streamed, LIVE (that part’s not true), FREE (sadly, that part is) right on Drhorrible.com, in mid-July. Specifically:

ACT ONE (Wheee!) will go up Tuesday July 15th.

ACT TWO (OMG!) will go up Thursday July 17th.

ACT THREE (Denouement!) will go up Saturday July 19th.

All acts will stay up until midnight Sunday July 20th. Then they will vanish into the night, like a phantom (but not THE Phantom – that’s still playing. Like, everywhere.)

And now to answers a few Frequently (soon to be) Asked Questions:

1) Why, Joss? Why? Why now, why free, why us?

Once upon a time, all the writers in the forest got very mad with the Forest Kings and declared a work-stoppage. The forest creatures were all sad; the mushrooms did not dance, the elderberries gave no juice for the festival wines, and the Teamsters were kinda pissed. (They were very polite about it, though.) During this work-stoppage, many writers tried to form partnerships for outside funding to create new work that circumvented the Forest King system.

Frustrated with the lack of movement on that front, I finally decided to do something very ambitious, very exciting, very mid-life-crisisy. Aided only by everyone I had worked with, was related to or had ever met, I single-handedly created this unique little epic. A supervillain musical, of which, as we all know, there are far too few.

The idea was to make it on the fly, on the cheap – but to make it. To turn out a really thrilling, professionalish piece of entertainment specifically for the internet. To show how much could be done with very little. To show the world there is another way. To give the public (and in particular you guys) something for all your support and patience. And to make a lot of silly jokes. Actually, that sentence probably should have come first.

2) What happens when it goes away? Does it go to a happy farm for always like Fluffy did when mommy was crying and the neighbor kept washing his fender?

No, Dr horrible will live on. We intend to make it available for download soon after it’s published. This would be for a nominal fee, which we’re hoping people will embrace instead of getting all piratey. We have big dreams, people, and one of them is paying our crew.

And somewhat later, we will put the complete short epic out on DVD – with the finest and bravest extras in all the land. We’ll go into greater detail about that at Comiccon, but we’re changing the face of Show Friendliness a second time with that crazy DVD.

3) Joss, you are so kind, and generous, and your forehead is like, huge, like SCARY, like I think I can see Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint hanging off it… what can WE do to help this musical extravanganza?

What you always do, peeps! What you’re already doing. Spread the word. Rock some banners, widgets, diggs… let people know who wouldn’t ordinarily know. It wouldn’t hurt if this really was an event. Good for the business, good for the community – communitIES: Hollywood, internet, artists around the world, comic-book fans, musical fans (and even the rather vocal community of people who hate both but will still dig on this). Proving we can turn Dr Horrible into a viable economic proposition as well as an awesome goof will only inspire more people to lay themselves out in the same way. It’s time for the dissemination of the artistic process. Create more for less. You are the ones that can make that happen.

Wow. I had no idea how important you guys were. I’m a little afraid of you.

4) Joss, do you ever answer a question simply or coherently?

Shledzguohn?

There’ll be more questions, and more long, long answers, but for now I’m just excited that we’re actually making this happen. We (and a lot of other people — gushing to commence soon) worked very hard on the show and we hope/think you guys will be pleased.

Until July 15th , I remain, yours truly, -j, of the firm j, j, m & z.

Don’t miss out on these excellent titles and authors.

Technorati Tags: scifi, free, deals, fantasy, science fiction, tor books, books

Things have been quiet in the Joss-Whed-verse for awhile now and for those who have been following him (more like skulking, stalking, pretending to be trees on his estate) then you’ve heard the talk of his latest project: Dollhouse!

Well… oh ye Jossey-Whedon-verse fans, I came across this on ‘Aint it Cool News‘ and my Whedo-uverse passion has been lit again.

On the list: Eliza Dushku as Echo (Faith from BTVS)
Amy Acker (Fred from Angel) … and other people

Here’s the interview that I stumbled across

Welcome (back) to the Dollhouse.

A New Pilot? A New Hope? A Prequel? A Nyquil? What’s the skinny on DOLLHOUSE and why doesn’t this link to anything?

Hi guys. Well, it’s been an eventful week. While all of you have been enjoying (and in some cases, suddenly NOT enjoying) our adorable little musical romp “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” (exclusively available on iTunes!) (And I lied about some people not enjoying it!) I’ve been busying myself with a little something I like to call DOLLHOUSE. Finishing a new episode. Finishing a new… here’s the headline… FIRST episode.

What’s that, you say? A second first? How can such a thing be? Does it defy the laws of all physics? Well, I sat down with Rutherford D. Actualperson to do a quick Q&A and give you all the skinny on the progress of my new series (Available on iTunes at some point one would assume!)

Rutherford D. Actualperson: Joss. You are a legend in the industry, and your forehead is a normal size proportionate to your face. Tell me about the idea behind doing a new first episode. Didn’t you already shoot one?

Joss: Yes, Ruhthie, I did. And it was grand, simply grand.

R.D.A: Then why shoot another? Also, your teeth are whitish.

Joss: I said it was grand, I didn’t say it was comprehensible. I showed some scenes to David Lynch and he’s all, “whuh?” Bad sign. But I kid.

The fact is, I’m very proud of the ep we shot and the series is making me crazy with the excitement. But I tend to come at things sideways, and there were a few clarity issues for some viewers. There were also some slight issues with tone – I was in a dark, noir kind of place (where, as many of you know, I make my home), and didn’t bring the visceral pop the network had expected from the script. The network was cool about it, but not sure how to come out of the gate with the ep.

R.D.A.: So they made you do another. It’s Firefly all over again! Run! For the love of God, HE’S CALLING FROM THE HOUSE!!!

Joss: Wow. Good panic.

R.D.A.: I try. But I am genuinely concerned. Also your smooth skin and elegant hands are making me bi-curious.

Joss: Well, the idea to do a new first episode wasn’t the network’s. It was mine. I understood their consternation, and saw the gap between my style and their expectations, and I suggested I shoot a new ep and make the one I’d shot the second. It isn’t going to be buried, like the pilot of Firefly. It’s simply coming after another, slightly cleaner ep. And because unlike Firefly, it isn’t a two hour epic which introduces everyone to each other, the onus isn’t on the new ep to explain a million things.

The fact is, Fox ordered the series before we shot a frame and then, after the strike, I had literally two months to write and prep the whole thing. Which means simply that the network has to figure out what they might want to tweak AFTER it was shot, unlike a pilot. Buffy didn’t make the fall sched, Angel got shut down when they saw the second ep outline… it’s birth pangs. The network truly gets the premise (this is a whole new crew, as you know), loves the cast, is excited about the show – but they’re also specific about how they want to bring people to the show and I not only respect that, I kinda have to slap my forehead that I didn’t tailor my tone and structure to the network’s needs, since that’s something I pride myself on.

R.D.A.: You’re not just being the good soldier?

Joss: We both know from years of experience that I’m a crap soldier, though I am an accomplished fan-dancer. No, this is a very cold look at what’s going on, and it’s not an Us vs Them. The truth is, I’m in love with this world, and I don’t care how people get into it. I have a million things to say about (and through) all of these characters, and I don’t mind which ones I say first. I think I just turned in a pretty cool pilot script. [Editor’s note: that means someone TOLD him THEY thought it was cool. He has no judgement of his own. This is sad, but on the plus side, it was probably one of his writers, who actually ARE cool. So rest easy.]

R.D.A.: So what does this mean for production?

Joss: We’ve pushed an extra few days so I can prep this bitch within an inch of its life, i.e., read it once more.

R.D.A.: But how will this affect the foundation of the very turning of our precious earth, and by that I mean Comiccon?

Joss: Yeah. Unfortunately, we won’t have a new teaser to show, since we’ll start shooting after the con. People will have to settle for chatting with Eliza and Tahmoh. But they’re likeable folk. (Sadly, Tahmoh only speaks Canadian, though he has a lovely translator at his side, like Isabella Rosselini in “White Nights”.) We’ll still rock the panel, but showing clips is kind of a tradition, so my emoticon doth frown.

R.D.A.: And the first first episode?

Joss: I’ll reshoot a few scenes, but it’ll basically air as is. When I was given seven episodes, I referred to them as “the Seven Pilots”, ‘cause you always have to lay out the premise one way or another in those early eps. So instead of Grumpy, this particular episode will be Sneezy. (Seriously. Eliza fights POLLEN! Sooo sexy.)

R.D.A.: So Eliza’s still a different character every week?

Joss: Often several.

R.D.A: And in the Dollhouse, the amazing-looking facility where all the beautiful people whose memories have been wiped live in a state of unselfconscious innocence, the showers are co-ed? [Editor’s note: the showers are co-ed?]

Joss: The showers are co-ed. [Editor’s note: HOT damn.]

R.D.A.: So nothing of substance has been changed. Shower-wise.

Joss: You are a sad, lonely actual man, Actualman.

R.D.A.: So true, so true. Thank you for talking/fan-dancing to me. Anything else you’d like to add?

Joss: Available exclusively on iTunes! Oh. About Dollhouse? Only that it’s going to be a funhouse ride of excitement, fear, existential angst and co-ed showers. That I love it. Love the writers, love the cast, and already blissfully live in the strange, compelling world of the removable self. Hmm. When I pitched it to Eliza, she said “My God, it’s my life!” But after that sentence, I think maybe it’s mine.

R.D.A.: I guess we’ll have to wait till January to see what you’ve cooked up.

Joss: And I’ll probably keep cooking till the moment I serve.

R.D.A.: Would you hold me?

Joss: Yes, Ruhthie. Yes I will.

[Editor’s note in Strongbad’s voice: IT’S OVER!]

He was not forthcoming on probings.

Edgar Mitchell is not only an astronaut, but someone who’s interested in paranormal phenomena.  While on Apollo 14, in addition to doing cool back flips and science stuff, he conducted private ESP experiments with friends back on Earth.  He’s also a founding member of the Institute of Noetic Sciences.  Here’s a guy who’s been places and seems to think that there’s a connection between the spirit and all that provable science stuff.

The IONS is, in their own words:

A nonprofit membership organization located in Northern California that conducts and sponsors leading-edge research into the potentials and powers of consciousness—including perceptions, beliefs, attention, intention, and intuition. The Institute explores phenomena that do not necessarily fit conventional scientific models, while maintaining a commitment to scientific rigor.

In my words that translates out to “Crap we can’t prove“, but hey each to his own.  The guy’s ex-military and has been in space and that’s gotta be worth something.

The Daily Mail is reporting on Dr. Mitchell’s beliefs that aliens are here, have way better toys than us and do indeed have large eyes.

Aliens have contacted humans several times but governments have hidden the truth for 60 years, the sixth man to walk on the moon has claimed.

Apollo 14 astronaut Dr Edgar Mitchell, said he was aware of many UFO visits to Earth during his career with NASA but each one was covered up.

Dr Mitchell, 77, said during a radio interview that sources at the space agency who had had contact with aliens described the beings as ‘little people who look strange to us.’

He said supposedly real-life ET’s were similar to the traditional image of a small frame, large eyes and head.

Chillingly, he claimed our technology is ‘not nearly as sophisticated’ as theirs and “had they been hostile”, he warned ‘we would be been gone by now’.

Dr Mitchell, along with with Apollo 14 commander Alan Shepard, holds the record for the longest ever moon walk, at nine hours and 17 minutes following their 1971 mission.

‘I happen to have been privileged enough to be in on the fact that we’ve been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomena is real,’ Dr Mitchell said.

‘It’s been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60 years or so, but slowly it’s leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been briefed on some of it.

‘I’ve been in military and intelligence circles, who know that beneath the surface of what has been public knowledge, yes – we have been visited. Reading the papers recently, it’s been happening quite a bit.’

Dr Mitchell, who has a Bachelor of Science degree in aeronautical engineering and a Doctor of Science degree in Aeronautics and Astronautics claimed Roswell was real and similar alien visits continue to be investigated.

He told the astonished Kerrang! radio host Nick Margerrison: “This is really starting to open up. I think we’re headed for real disclosure and some serious organisations are moving in that direction.’

Mr Margerrison said: ‘I thought I’d stumbled on some sort of astronaut humour but he was absolutely serious that aliens are definitely out there and there’s no debating it.’

Officials from NASA, however, were quick to play the comments down.

In a statement, a spokesman said: “NASA does not track UFOs. NASA is not involved in any sort of cover up about alien life on this planet or anywhere in the universe.

‘Dr Mitchell is a great American, but we do not share his opinions on this issue.’

Technorati Tags: aliens, among us, astronauts, nasa, ions, space, technology, the final frontier, lgm

Neil Young’s greatest hits album is available as a DRM-free download from Amazon this morning for just $3.99.  If you like Neil and are looking to put him on your MP3 player or computer, this is a great way to do it and doesn’t involve shoving an aging rocker into your five and a quarter inch bay.  Neil would appreciate it, I’m sure.

Toys R Us is offering some neat stuff too.  First we have the Millenium Falcon reimaged as a transformer for the down low price of $24.48.  Next you can get this .45 scale Storm Trooper head…er… helmet for a measly $41.98.  That’s a great price, and when your girlfriend or boyfriend gets on you about being a Star Wars freak and a Transformers geek, you can lob it at her or him.

Technorati Tags: deals, star wars, neil young, mp3, transformers, geekfest online

The revamped Tor website includes a new shortstory by Mr. Scalzi, After the Coup. Set in the same universe as Old Man’s War, its a short, fun romp that details a ‘diplomatic’ adventure by one of the bit characters in his main series. A very fun read.

Technorati Tags: scifi, fantasy, tor, books, entertainment, cavtroop

I love Hellboy.  The comics are gold, the first movie was fun and the second looks to be a ton of fun!

Technorati Tags: actors studio, fun, golden army, hellboy, james lipton, Movies

There is always a very small chance that this will get pulled off into the right direction, some how survive the execs in the movie industry and actually come out as a live action gem worth seeing at $12 a pop in the theater.  I’m not holding my breath for this but damn, if that did happen then I’d be driving out to the west coast to kiss a few people.  Kasdan has done some neat stuff in the past (Empire Strikes Back anyone?) but faith in Hollywood I no longer have though, so I’ll continue to grumble.  Here’s the Routers article – interesting to note that they call this ‘fantasy’ and not ‘science fiction’:

Veteran screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan has been hired to write “Robotech,” Warner Bros.’ adaptation of the anime classic.

“Robotech” was a 1980s cartoon series from Harmony Gold USA and Tatsunoko Prods. It was re-edited and re-dialogued to combine three Japanese anime series to give the producers enough episodes to air as a daily syndicated series.

A sprawling sci-fi epic, “Robotech” takes place at a time when Earth has developed giant robots from the technology on an alien spacecraft that crashed on a South Pacific isle. Mankind is forced to use the technology to fend off three successive waves of alien invasions.

“Robotech” extends Kasdan’s return to the fantasy genre that began in 2007, when he was tapped to pen the “Clash of the Titans” remake for Warners and Thunder Road.

Kasdan wrote the screenplays for “The Empire Strikes Back,” “Return of the Jedi” and “Raiders of the Lost Ark” before penning more intimate ensemble dramas such as “The Big Chill” and “Grand Canyon,” which he also directed.

Technorati Tags: robotech, scifi, fantasy, stupid mathew fox,   toby, films, movies, geeks, fandom, anime

Personally I enjoyed the show as sort of light, escapist end of the world fantasy.  I’m not sure how much longer they could have carried it off though, with the reconstruction of the USA coming into play.  Something more along the lines of Damnation Alley is more my style.

Technorati Tags: scifi, jericho, television, fans, culture, geeks, a boy named skeet

Technorati Tags: aliens, mars, rovers, proof, mars monkeys

Reasons like Guillermo del Toro, Ron Perlman, Selma Blair and Doug Jones! Universal is coming to ComicCon. So aren’t a bunch of us, so if you can’t make it yourself, we’ll have cameras, camcorders, voice recorders, and aura photographing materials handy to make it feel like you’re there.

But really, it’s $45 for the entire weekend – so if you’re going to be anywhere NEAR NYC between April 18th through the 20th, you owe it to yourself to stop by. And find us to say hello!

Technorati Tags: hellboy, del toro, universal, salma blair, doug jones, ron perlman, comic con, comiccon, nyc, april

Anyway, here’s the vid.

Technorati Tags: Dungeon Majesty, dungeons and dragons, d&d, 20 sided, public access, video, geeks, gaming, role playing games

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
The Star Wars saga will continue in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, a videogame developed by LucasArts, which casts players as Darth Vader’s “Secret Apprentice” and promises to unveil new revelations about the Star Wars galaxy. The expansive story, created under direction from George Lucas, is set during the largely unexplored era between Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope. In it, players will assist the iconic villain in his quest to rid the universe of Jedi – and face decisions that could change the course of their destiny.

As its name implies, The Force Unleashed completely re-imagines the scope and scale of the Force by taking full advantage of newly developed technologies that will be seen and experienced for the first time: Digital Molecular Matter (DMM), by Pixelux Entertainment, and euphoria by NaturalMotion Ltd. Paired with the powerful Havok Physics™ system, these new technologies create gameplay only possible on the new generation of consoles. DMM incorporates the physical properties of anything in the environment so that everything reacts exactly like it should – wood breaks like wood, glass shatters like glass, plants on the planet Felucia bend like plants on the planet Felucia would, and more. Meanwhile, as a revolutionary behavioral-simulation engine, euphoria enables interactive characters to move, act and even think like actual human beings, adapting their behavior on the fly and resulting in a different payoff every single time.

Features
During the period between Episodes III and IV, players hunt Jedi in the role of Darth Vader’s Secret Apprentice.
Unleash and upgrade the Secret Apprentice’s four core Force powers – Force push, grip, repulse and lightning – throughout the course of the game, and combine them for ultra-destructive, never-before-seen combos.
Examples of unleashing the Force in ways never thought possible:
The Secret Apprentice won’t just Force push enemies into walls – he’ll Force push enemies through walls.
The Secret Apprentice won’t just Force grip foes to throw them aside – he’ll Force grip them in midair, zap them with lightning, then drop them to the ground to explode like a bomb.
In addition to new adversaries created just for the game, such as fugitive Jedi and Force-sensitive Felucians, players will also confront and associate with familiar faces from the Star Wars films, including Darth Vader.
Visit locations such as Episode III’s Wookiee homeworld Kashyyyk and the floral Felucia, the junk planet Raxus Prime, plus an Imperial TIE fighter construction facility.
Decisions made by players throughout the game will determine the path of the story, including multiple endings that will rock Star Wars continuity as they know it.
The Force Unleashed is LucasArts’ first internally developed title for next-generation consoles, and it represents the first in-game collaboration of talents and technology between LucasArts and Industrial Light & Magic, two companies now finally under one roof at the new Letterman Digital Arts Center in San Francisco’s Presidio district.
The Force Unleashed debuts Digital Molecular Matter from Pixelux and euphoria behavioral simulation from NaturalMotion Ltd.
LucasArts is preparing an unprecedented promotional effort around the launch of The Force Unleashed, encompassing a full line of toys and game-based action figures from Hasbro, as well as a full publishing program from Dark Horse, Del Rey and Palace Press.

We all know about Abell 1835 IR1916 (not pictured above). That galaxy that just happens to be the furthest and thus oldest galaxy ever seen by Hubble. It’s just about 13.25 million light years away – far even compared to driving through Texas, and this galaxy’s been around for about 97% of the time the Universe has existed.

What makes this galaxy so special is that it was built to order or at least modified to order. That’s what the India Daily would have us believe, anyway.

The galaxy Abell 1835 IR1916 is located about 13,230 million light-years away. Hence, it is seen at a time when the Universe was merely 470 million years young, that is, barely 3 percent of its current age.

Scientists are finding extraterrestrial influence in this galaxy. It seems the galaxy was engineered and fit into place by artificial forces. This is the furthest galaxy ever discovered. Therefore it is also the earliest galaxy that we can view through gravitational lenses.

Some 13.7 billion years ago, after the big bang, the Universe plunged into darkness. Neither stars nor quasars had yet been formed which could illuminate the vast space. The Universe was a cold and opaque place. Some thing went wrong, according to some scientists. Intervention was needed by the Type IV civilization that created the big bang in their massive inter-universe particle colliders. The big bang created a black hole in the hyperspace – our universe with three spatial dimensions and a forward moving single time dimension. According to scientists this was the start of ‘dark ages’ that was eventually corrected through the intervention of the Type IV civilization.

The galaxy Abell 1835 IR1916 is part of the “Cosmic Renaissance” that was artificially engineered by the Type IV civilization.

Technorati Tags: et, lgm, pan galactic gargleblaster, space, science, ish, technology, aliens, hubble, galaxy

I was reading this morning an interesting article via Discover online about using gravity tractors to hurl dense objects through solar systems and cause their stars to shift.  Over the course of a few million years, you could use this technique to align several stars in such a way as to create a geometric pattern – thus signaling your intelligence and your amazing amount of patience to nearby stellar neighbors.

Should be be looking for largish 3D boxes out there?  Circles and squares?  It’s certainly an interesting idea and one that will get the point across several million light years – given several million years for that light to travel.   Catch the full article after the jump.

This month I seriously propose that we begin the process of repositioning the sun and other nearby stars in order to send signals to aliens, and that we begin the search for signs that aliens might have done the same for our benefit.

Perhaps I should preface this crazy-sounding idea with an explanation. Science is an emotional experience for me, sometimes even more emotional than art. The reason, I think, reflects both our current understanding of humanity’s place in the universe and the events of my childhood. Astronomy has taught us that Earth is a mere dot in an inaccessible vastness. Almost everything in the night sky is so far away that there’s little hope of our having contact with other life out there—if such life even exists. Worse than the possibility that we are alone is the feeling that it doesn’t matter even if we aren’t. My early life amplified this feeling of solitude: My mom died when I was a kid, and for a time the rest of the human species felt as distant from me as the deep universe does now.

I suspect a similar emotion is hidden in the pasts of many people who become interested in science, especially physics and astronomy. It’s the secret engine inside the archetype of the nerd, the kid who is disengaged from social games but is mesmerized by the bigger game of trying to engage reality in a fundamental way.

There is probably no more concrete, no greater contact-seeking attempt at engaging the universe than the search for alien life. The most prominent efforts, called SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence), do that by listening for signals: We might get lucky and catch an alien radio transmission, for instance.

Luck is important to these efforts because we are confined to investigating such a tiny sector of space and time within an enormous universe. Suppose we set up a radio broadcast for aliens to hear, and suppose we could keep the transmitter going for 100,000 years—far longer than civilizations have existed, nearly as long as modern humans have. Even that duration would probably be too brief for the broadcast to be heard.

The reason is that the advent of humans easily could have been accelerated or delayed hundreds of millions of years by something as banal as an asteroid hit. If the asteroid that apparently led to the demise of the dinosaurs had missed Earth, maybe an intelligent dinosaur would have appeared 50 million years sooner than people did. Or maybe an intelligent mammal still would have appeared, but 200 million years later than we did. Since evolution on other worlds would presumably be just as sensitive to random events, it is incredibly unlikely that intelligent aliens would happen to be listening during a particular 100,000-year window when our radio broadcasts happened to be washing over their location.

So we search for better ways to make contact, some means by which to get around the tiny-time-aperture problem. One approach is to send out the equivalent of a message in a bottle, and indeed the two Voyager spacecraft are headed out to the stars carrying golden disks engraved with rudimentary information about humans and Earth. The spacecraft might last a very long time, but they have a handicap: They are physically small, so they’d probably have to pass quite close to an alien civilization to be detected.

Is there any method of reaching out to the rest of the universe that will cover a lot of time and space? The hint of a solution arises from current thinking about how to make sure we don’t go the way of the dinosaurs. If an asteroid were headed our way, we’d prefer to prevent it from hitting us. One promising way to do that is with a gravitational tractor, a spacecraft sent to fly alongside a dangerous asteroid. Over a sufficient period of time—several years, perhaps—the slight gravitational pull of the craft would divert the asteroid onto a new, safe course.

Suppose this principle of the gravitational tractor could be scaled up using what I’ll call a “gravitational hedge fund.” We send up a significant number of tractor spacecraft over many years. Eventually a fleet assembles in the outer solar system. The spacecraft are autonomous, able to operate even if the civilization that constructed them expires. They are programmed to operate for hundreds of thousands of years, like the outlandish radio transmitter I considered earlier, but they will generate a far more profound legacy than a radio signal.

The fleet assembles to adjust the trajectories of some of the larger Kuiper belt objects, cometlike bodies at the periphery of the solar system. (Moving those around won’t cause problems for inner planets like Earth.) Over a long period, the reconfigured Kuiper belt objects serve as a larger gravitational tractor to tilt the plane of the solar system and then to change the trajectory of the sun through the Milky Way. Meanwhile, we also will have sent clusters of spacecraft to 15 or so nearby stars. It could take many tens of thousands of years for the spacecraft to reach these stars and a much longer time to change their trajectories.

Why move stars around? Because then they could be guided into orbital formations that almost certainly would not have occurred naturally. An imaginable set-up period of tens of thousands of years could therefore be leveraged into a much longer period—billions of years, perhaps—during which aliens could observe the fruits of our efforts. A group of stars organized to present a sign in this way might be called a “graphstellation” (like a constellation, but also a form of writing).

To state the obvious, there are enormous challenges to doing this. The idea of a gravitational hedge fund is entirely speculative for now and might not be workable. Even if it can be done, our solar system is a poor candidate for manipulation. The mass of the entire Kuiper belt is perhaps one one-millionth the mass of the sun, so there isn’t much to work with. The coming decades will see a survey of the structures of nearby solar systems, however. Perhaps some nearby systems are better arranged for gravitational hedge fund action. An ideal solar system would have suitable gradations of adjacent orbital masses. Failing that, perhaps some other method of nudging a star’s path will come along.

The playfulness, open-mindedness, and intellectual generosity of the best scientists always amaze me, never more so than when I called Piet Hut at the Institute for Advanced Study to talk about the prospects for graphstellations. (He has, among many other things, been at the forefront of the study of strange but possible orbital structures.) The fact that we haven’t proved we can move asteroids, much less stars, doesn’t faze Piet at all. If the motivation for creating a graphstellation is valid and there is no proof that the idea is impossible, his view is that it is worth contemplating.

Piet immediately suggested a design for a multiply nested binary star graphstellation that would have the delightful technical designation “hyper-super-duper double-star system”: a pair of a pair of a pair of double stars, 16 total. This configuration would be stable and unlikely to interact with nearby stars. It also would do no harm to the solar system or life on Earth, should we end up as part of the formation. The set-up phase would coax pairs of stars into headings destined to bring them into mutual embrace in such a way that the pairings would eventually pair as well, and so on. Such a structure would be vanishingly unlikely to come about naturally, and it would be recognizable at a great distance. An alien observer wouldn’t have to be able to discern all the individual stars in order to notice that something funny was going on; the alien would only have to note subtle changes in the qualities of the light, wobbles in the position, and other clues.

Piet and I had an interesting exchange comparing graphstellations to the Egyptian pyramids. Is there something inherently macho about rearranging the stars, in the way the pyramids seem macho to us, or is it more like a lonely cry in the wilderness?

An interesting comparison can be made to the Dyson Sphere. In 1960 physicist Freeman Dyson suggested that an advanced civilization might want to capture all the solar energy from a star, and so might build a spherical structure all around it. He suggested looking around to see if there are any such spheres out there. None have been found thus far. A graphstellation would have far less utilitarian value to its creators, but it also would probably be far easier to build and detect than a Dyson Sphere.

The obvious next step is to look around and see if anyone out there has already created a graphstellation. This will not be a trivial exercise. There are a lot of stars, and we have to consider the potential range of graphstellation designs, not only the ones that have already occurred to us. But I am in the process of engaging my astronomer friends in the hunt. I have also been talking to people who plan space missions. Crazier things have happened.

Technorati Tags: space, stars, objects, aliens, lgm, scifi, sf, science, moving stars

Found at PixelMash Theater.

Technorati Tags: sf, scifi, star wars, a new hope, pixels, episode IV, gif, sheer unadulterated awesomeness

1. Problems with flat tire

2. Nightmare

3. Thinking about either of his wives

4. Cut off from somebody in danger who needs his help

5. Being hit over the head repeatedly with a metal object

6. Having his cure destroyed

7. Quicksand

8. Being mauled by a bear

9. Being bit by a dog

10. Being placed in a car compactor

11. Being punched out and thrown down a flight of stairs

12. Being punched out and thrown over a balcony

13. Being punched out, period

14. Being buried in a sand pit

15. Having a row of computers fall on him

16. Being hit with a blast of steam in the face while trying to turn off the nuclear
reactor that is melting down

17. Receiving a lethal injection, and then having the person say, “Oh. I just gave
you a lethal injection. Sorry, David.”

18. Dropping a C02 cannister on his foot after being insulted

19. Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator

20. Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth (“I DON’T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE
CENTS!!!”)

21. Getting into a car crash

22. Having a burning 2×4 fall on his head while trying to get the horse out of the
burning barn

23. Being trampled by a crowd AND having the hot coffee spilled on his hand
while trying to get to the sniper

24. Being tied up and fed soup by an elderly Japanese woman who doesn’t
understand words like “You’ve GOT to cut me loose!”

25. Grabbing the pipe that is below freezing temperature

26. Falling through a rickety staircase while trying to get to the drunk girl who is
about to jump off the roof, and then finding that she’s locked the rooftop door

27. Trying to get out of the basement cage while handcuffed to a chair only to fall
over a stack of boxed bottles and have them all fall on him

28. Being placed in a dumpster by the two garbagemen who think he’s a thief,
and who don’t believe him when he says “Hey! There are rats in here!”, and then
being bitten by the rats to add injury to insult

29. Having two mean football players snap wet towels at him and shove him into
the steam room which they have turned on to full blast

30. Being trapped inside a football stadium drunk tank while his friend is in
danger, and THEN having one of the drunks hit him over the head with a metal
object

31. Being caught taking photos of toughs committing monkey business in the
restaurant, and then being beaten up and thrown under a table

32. Getting his jacket caught in the printwheels at the newspaper printing room,
and then inexplicably sticking his hand into the rollers

33. Yelled at by a mean cop, and then having mace sprayed in his face by same
mean cop

34. Handcuffed to a woman who is falling over the cliff

35. Having a large wooden beam fall on him, and then having a heavy boulder fall
on the beam

36. Somehow running into a bear trap

37. Beaten up and placed on a car going through a car wash, and then being
dragged under the car

38. Placed in a small room with a ravenous black panther

39. Somehow locking himself in an old, dark basement, and then nearly
electrocuting himself (really has to be seen to be believed)

40. Falling into the churning water of a boathouse, and then inexplicably being
repeatedly carried over the paddlewheel (this one is stranger than 39)

41. Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire

42. Listening to ultrasonics

43. Attempting to turn off the boiling hot water for the waxmaker, only to have
the faucet break off in his hand and scald him, and then inexplicably slipping and
rolling around in same boiling hot water

44. Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at
him

45. Being beaten up and thrown down a well

46. Having his friend tell the New York “syndicate” that David has their money,
so that their enforcers chase David back to his apartment, and then having all his
neighbors close their doors on him rather than listen to him saying “Please!
You’ve GOT to let me in!!!”, and then being beaten up and thrown over the
balcony into the smelly trash cans by same enforcers

47. Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic – “You don’t understand, I
have to be there by 4:00!” – “Hey, mac, it’s rush hour, we ain’t gettin’ there til five,
so relax.” – “BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!”

48. Helping Ray Walston out with a magic trick by allowing himself to be chained
up and put in a tank of water, only to find that drunk Ray has forgotten to leave
the escape key inside the tank

49. Beaten up and locked in a car trunk

50. Receiving a speeding ticket

51. Having Thor the Thunder God push him around

52. Locked in a drunk tank with a crazy person who insists he is Ernest
Hemingway and then beats the stuffing out of David

53. Being tear gassed

54. Buried in a mine cave-in

55. Injecting himself with the wrong cure

56. Somehow getting himself into a bellfry and then realizing that a bell is there,
just as it strikes the hour

57. Being pushed out of a plane at 30,000 feet by a mean guy who yells “You’re
gonna land a lot sooner than the rest of us!”

58. Being forced to land a 747 without any training or instructions or help, at the
risk of his, the Hulk’s, and everybody else on the plane’s lives

59. Being put in a strait jacket because he’s seen the videotape that proves that
the sanatarium doctor is performing unnecessary lobotomies on the patients,
and then thrashing around so much that he bangs his head on the floor

60. Being stuck in the police department’s voice mail system when he knows his
friend is about to be the next lobotomy subject, only to have the police finally
pick up the phone after he’s turning into the Hulk

61. Being stuck in a cabin that the police are turning into swiss cheese with their
shotguns, even though he and the pregnant woman have no guns and have
waved the white flag, only to have the police bullets start a fire in the cabin, etc.,
etc.

62. Beaten up by a bunch of mean cops who won’t listen to him saying “Hey!
Don’t touch that woman! She’s pregnant! No!”

63. Being grazed in the face by a bullet while running after the bus carrying his
friend’s hysterical mother, and then running into the messy, overturned garbage
cans

64. Being rear-ended fifteen times in a row by a mean bully with a bigger car than
his

65. Buried in cement by the mob

66. Being showered with electrical sparks because Jack McGee has spotted him
and is running after him shouting “Hey, John Doe!”

67. Beaten up by the rag trade mob, and having his arm placed in a press iron

68. Being placed in a cage with an angry gorilla

69. Making some Hell’s Angels very angry with him

70. Being run over by same angry Hell’s Angels

71. Wandering into an Army dump to get the deadly canister of army nerve gas
that has blinded his friend, only to be caught by a mean MP who knocks his gas
mask off and throws him back down the hill, knocking the canister open so that
David can frantically try to put his mask back on before looking up to see that the
MP has somehow brought in a crane and is dumping two tons of garbage on him
(this is an unusually bizarre situation)

72. While blinded for the episode, wandering across an Army training course,
and then veering into the training minefield (see parenthetical at #39)

73. Being chained to a truck while his friend for the episode has been taken
inside the trailer by the natives to be punished under the rites of La Culta de
Cabeza Chocolata

74. Trying to run away from the nasty prison work camp, only to fall through a
rotted bridge, and then being bitten by a rattlesnake

75. Beaten up by all the other prisoners in the work camp, in the middle of the
night while he is trying to sleep, when he emphatically told them not to beat him
up that particular night

76. Falling in a pitfall set by the crazed man who is hunting David on his private
island, and then being stung by the scorpion when trying to climb out

77. Being horsewhipped by same crazed man who is understandably upset that
David will not accomodate his polite requests to “turn back into that thing”

78. Being thrown under a New Orleans Mardi Gras parade float by a mean guy in
a gorilla suit who gives David a few kicks for good measure

79. Making the High Priest of the Baba Yaga voodoo cult so angry with him by
challenging a perfectly normal ritual sacrifice that several of the Priest’s minions
are obliged to beat the stuffing out of David and throw a cloak over his head

80. Accidentally getting stuck in the department store that is being robbed, and
then having one of the thieves lock him in the bottom of an elevator shaft,
underneath a creaky old elevator that is showering sparks, and slipping off of its
cables, yelling “Hey! You’ve got to get me out of here! It’s slipping!”, only to
have the 5-ton elevator suddenly fall on him (this one gets points for originality)

81. Being beaten up by the thieves and thrown in the store vault, having the
vault door closed on his foot, and then having the air supply cut off by the
giggling thieves

82. Being placed in a cargo crate with his friend for the episode because he’s
found out about the problems at the waterfront, and being hoisted onto an
outbound freighter, but having all the dockworkers ignore his screams of “Hey!
Hey! Help! HELLLLPPPP!!!”

83. Being mistaken for mob boss Mike Cassidy, who looks exactly like him, and
who everybody wants to beat up, so that David is repeatedly beaten up for no
reason

84. Being placed in a room that is filled with carbon monoxide gas

85. Wandering around in the service ducts of a hotel (akin to Bruce Willis) only to
accidentally yank several of the steam pipes loose and get a full blast of hot
steam

86. Beaten up and thrown in a closet, and while thrashing around and trying to
get out, sticking his hand in a box of broken glassware

87. Foolishly running in and trying to help a man who brought a lit cigarette into a
room full of toxic vapors, only to have an explosion throw him across the room
and into the row of heavy C02 containers, which all fall on him

88. Hit in the face with a high powered beebee gun, which causes him to fall
over the balcony and plunge 40 feet into the seats below

89. Being trapped by McGee in a back room, and when he tries to run away,
bashing his knee, crashing into a backboard, and doing generally clutzy things
culminating with falling down the stairs and crashing into a giant flower pot

90. Beaten up while trying to keep the incoherent man from stabbing the woman
who accidentally locked David in the closet, and then having same man attempt
to close the door to same closet on David’s head

90. Being hit by a car and knocked twenty feet so that he tumbles down a
conveniently open manhole

91. Being shot at close range with a silenced pistol, after standing up to the
mob’s enforcers

92. Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire so that burning branches keep
falling on him and setting him on fire, and a giant, burning tree falls directly on
him as the last straw (Different from last forest fire predicament)

93. Being caught in an explosion on the edge of the fire that throws him into a
tumbling, rolling pile of large, heavy pipes

94. Foolishly trying to open the door to the shed of airplane propellant that is on
fire, and then being caught in the explosion

95. Falling out of a plane without a parachute, then being given a parachute
(which causes the person who pushed him to be told “That guy has nine lives”,
to which the mean person responds by pulling out a rifle and saying “Yeah, but I
got ten rounds”), and then having the straps to his parachute shot off when he is
still 30 feet above an empty house so that he falls through the roof and hurts
himself

96. Deliberately going to a disco club and picking a fight with some very large
and angry men because while trying to cure himself, he injected himself with a
solution that has unleashed his “dark side”

97. Trapped on a platform with the worker who is having a heart attack, and
being showered with electrical sparks

98. Crawling through the sensitive, highly dangerous electrical service tunnel
for no apparent reason, only to accidentally kick several of the electrical cables
loose and flailing around near the hot water pipes so that he can be practically
electricuted and fried at the same time

99. Accidentally leaving the laser beam on in the chemical lab so that it cuts
across the room and into the highly toxic chemicals so that David is enveloped in
poisonous fumes

100. Trapped in a burning room in the scientific project with ten other people by
the crazed mercenary who is trying to capture the Hulk, and then trying with
everybody else to ram open the door with a jagged metal shelf set, only to get his
hand caught between the edge of the shelf set and the door during a group ram

101. Punched out and thrown in the cactus bed so that David can thrash around
on the cactus, even though he has plenty of avenues of escape

102. Coming to the aid of the gumshoe in the garage who is being beaten up for
not minding HIS own business, and getting beaten up himself, kicked under a low
riding sportscar that has been jacked up for repairs, and whose jack is removed
so that the car can fall on David. Gumshoe’s reaction, in voiceover narration: “It
was a big green thing, and it definitely wasn’t happy about something.”

103. Being caught at the old studio backlot with same gumshoe, by same nasty
bad guys, and trying to run away so as not to get angry with them, only to have
them pull a heavy old scene facade down on top of him. Gumshoe’s reaction: “It
was that green thing again, and it still wasn’t happy.”

104. Beaten up by a couple of punks under the Santa Monica Pier, who ask him
for his wallet, query him why he only has $5 on him, and then forcibly baptize him
several times

105. Tied up by same punks and left attached to a bench press machine as bait
for the bodybuilder (played by Lou Ferrigno) and his girlfriend to find and
become upset over, except that David becomes upset first

106. Being fed poisoned sushi

107. Tied up by the Japanese mob in San Francisco and thrown in his bathtub
with the shower blasting scalding hot water on him (why he doesn’t simply get
out of the tub is a mystery)

108. Having several clay pots broken over his head in the middle of the now-
burning room (why is the room always burning?), and then knocking an entire
case of same clay pots onto same head, and then, while lying very still and
struggling not to get angry, having his pants catch fire

*109. For Dell Frye (whose hulking out predates David by 30 years): Having
David rudely turn off the gamma radiation machine when he’s trying to turn
himself back into the green creature he used to turn into in the 1950s

*110. For Dell Frye: Going to a bar and deliberately picking a fight so that he can
get mad, turn into the creature and kill someone

*111. For Dell Frye: Having David rudely inject him with a cure so that he won’t
be able to turn into the monster anymore

112. While paralyzed for the episode, somehow getting caught in the middle of a
barroom brawl, and while trying to quietly wheel himself out of the room, being
hit by a flying body and knocked down the stairs (what David is even doing in
such a situation goes unexplained)

113. While still paralyzed, trying to drive a car to the bank to stop his friend for
the episode (who is going to try to obtain an immediate loan by robbing the
bank), only to drive so slowly that the big guy in the truck behind him keeps
yelling “Hurry up! Learn to drive!”, and then getting so caught up in watching his
friend wheel into the bank that he forgets to look both ways before entering the
intersection, crashes into a car trying to cross in front of him, and gets rear-
ended by the big guy in the truck, who remarks as David begins turning into the
Hulk: “You IDIOT!!”

114. Trying to escape his apartment before Jack McGee finishes bashing in the
front door with an axe, by smashing the bathroom window, only to grievously cut
himself on the broken glass

115. Trying to help his friend for the episode, the midget wrestler known as “Half
Nelson”, by climbing into the ring for him, only to be clobbered by a large, beefy
wrestler who practices numerous combination moves on David, in spite of David
(and Jack McGee)’s numerous cries of “Stop! You don’t know what you’re doing!
You’re making me ANGRY!”

116. Somehow being caught under a rockslide, and then foolishly exposing one
of his hands on the mountainside so that a big, heavy rock smashes it

117. Being attacked by some mean cops who handcuff him even though he has
told them his hand is broken, and who then let him flail around so that he falls on
his bad hand.

Originally listed out on kennethjohnson.us from a list provided by Kevin Koster.

Technorati Tags: hulk, david banner, scifi, fiction, tv, you won’t like me when I’m angry